User blog:JamesonOTP/Pretty Little Cryers: A One-Shot
NEVER TRUST A PRETTY GIRL WHO LOOKS UGLY WHEN SHE CRIES PRETTY LITTLE CRYERS by Justin McNeill :::Aria Mongomery walked down the hall, on her way to see her English teacher, Ezra, with whom she was having a torrid affair. She had recieved a mysterious text from someone named 'A.' She didn't know who A was but they were a total bitch. So much so that she wanted to cry. Sure, she was gorgeous and waif thin, but she had problems too. Pretty little rich girl problems. And they made her want to cry. Aria looked up and saw Hanna headed her way. She rolled her eyes. This time a week ago, she and the other girls didn't get along...they hadn't spoke since Alison mysterious vanished. But then, when the Paris Thing almost got out, they promised to band together. The Paris Thing was when they used to hang out with Paris Hilton and Hanna got drunk and made a sex tape with Kanye West, which in itself was bad enough. But then Spencer left the bar with cocaine dust clouds erupting from her shoes, Emily kissed Madonna, and Aria had flashed her crotch getting into the limo. Mona, always trying to fit in shaved her head and attacked the paparazzi with an umbrella, but we drove off and left her. Since then, they vowed to never mention the Paris Thing, not even to one another in casual conversation. Hanna looked around to make sure no one was watching as she eyed the potted plant outside the office. Must not take it, Hanna. What do you need a plant for? Don't do it--'' Too late, Hanna grabbed the plant and shoved it into her jacket. She parted the leaves so she could see, making her way to Aria. "Aria," Hanna said. "What's up?' "There are leaves growing from your boobs," Aria said. "I uh, have a fungus. Doctor gave me a cream," Hanna said. "That's terrible," Aria said, putting her hand on Hanna's shoulder. "Wanna cry about it?" "Yes," Hanna said, beginning to bawl. The potted plant slipped out of her jacket and feel to the floor, the pot busting and dirt going everywhere. Aria and Hanna jumped as their phones went off at the same time. Aria was the first to flip open her phone and read the message. Guess the dirt is out! I know plenty of dirt on the both of you, too! Kisses, A Aria looked over at Mona, who held her phone, laughing evilly. Upon being spotted, Mona stopped laughing, and inched around the corner nonchalantly. "Oh my God!" Hanna said. "Who could this be?" "I have no idea," Aria said. "Let's cry about it!" As Aria and Hanna bawled, Emily walked down the hall, holding the hand of Maya's dead corpse, dragging her down the hall. "OMG," Hanna said. "Emily can't let Maya go, can see? She's dead." "Maybe we should tell her," Aria said. "Or maybe we can cry because it's so sad," Hanna said. "I want an Emmy, dammit!" "What's up?" Spencer asked, appearing beside Aria. "We're crying because life is hard, we're being terrorized by someone and we have no idea who it is, and because Emily won't let go of Maya and is tragically dragging her dead body around," Aria said. "Oh, I wanna cry too," Spencer said. "My sister is so much better than me. We were having family game night and she....she...she...SHE SUNK MY BATTLESHIP!" "OH THE HUMANITY!" Hanna screamed at the top of her lungs. "WHY? WHY? WHY?" "I know," Spencer said, laying her head over on Aria's shoudler, crying. :::It wasn't long until Emily had brought both Maya's dead body and some strange psycho girl named Paige to lunch with her. "I'm not psycho," Paige said, taking a large butcher knife out of her backpack. "And I'm not crazy." Paige poured a handful of pills and swallowed them. "And I'm totally not A," Mona said from behind the Cryers. Once again, all their phones went off. You'll never figure out who I am. And ditch the dead girl, Emily. That's too creepy, even for me. Love you, mean it! -A "Who ''is A?" Spencer asked, shaking her head in disbelief. Alison appeared behind Maya's dead body with a can of air freshener. "Excuse me, not really here. Dead, I swear. But yeah, Maya is starting to stink so just allow me." Aria, Spencer, Emily, Paige, and Hanna began to cough as they were enveloped in a cloud of floral air freshener. "Okay," Alison said. "I was never here." "I wish Alison was still alive," Hanna said. "It's like we'll never see her again." "Don't give her any ideas," Spencer whispered to Hanna as she pointed at Emily. "One dead body at lunch is enough." "You haven't touched your food, Maya," Emily said. "I think we need another group cry," Hanna said. "My make-up has hardly even run today." Hanna reached over and grabbed the slice of pizza off Maya's tray and shoved it into her bra. Everyone stared at her. "She wasn't gonna eat it anyway," Hanna said. Aria's phone went off again. She sighed as she looked. Wow, Aria! You cut the cheese! Did you have chili for supper last night? Gag a maggot. Whatever. -A "BUT IT WAS SILENT!" Aria exclaimed. "How did you know?" From behind her, Mona gagged as she frantically tried to wave the smell away. Finally, she put on her black hoodie and dumped her lunch tray. "Guess we'll never know who A is," Aria said, poking her fork at her pizza. "Lunch room food is so tasteless, greasy, and fatty it makes me wanna cry," Hanna said. "You how much I had to throw up to look this hot? Huh?" Hanna buried her face in her food, crying, then eating a bite like a dog. Crying some more, then taking another bite. From the doorway, Mona watched the Cryers as they all broke into tears. THE END Category:Blog posts